Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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