don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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