At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have feelings that need drinking.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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