I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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