So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
