About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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