i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
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I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
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Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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