I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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