you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
