the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
