party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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