i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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