You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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