names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
