I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
