Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
