no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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