I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
