She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
