LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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