I want to have your abortion
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
