god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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