I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
