There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
