We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
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She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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