I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
