my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
