What a fucking waste of an outfit
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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