Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
