Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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