i don't like sucking hair
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
birth control should be required to get into college
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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