So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
