I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
