Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
