My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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