I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
