in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
