I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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