Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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