Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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