i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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