Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
