Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
wrigley field is MILF paradise
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
