Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
