this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize