Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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