also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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