the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
