It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
