and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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