he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
