mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
