How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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