he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i used baking grease as lip gloss
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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