I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
