It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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