i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
