i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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