So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
