Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
