A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
