I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
