Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
